The Three S': Scarfs, Scotch and Shag
by Fates My Bitch
Summary: This was for Jessa L'Rynn Decemember 2 Challenge. The Doctor and Rose with Jack sleeping off a hangover vist a planet for the holidays, wishing to avoid any contact with a certain green planet on Earth and up dancing in more ways than one.


First off, I'm so so sorry this is so late. My muse was so agreeable in the beginning. Letting me write without fighting me and gladly giving me ideas but than she turned into a bitch and stole a horse. She recently returned because she ran out of food so while she's locked in her cage I'm going to push out as many stories as I can. I also have a hard time writing smut but I am trying so please give criticism and/or hints.

Own Nothing!

* * *

Rose thumbed threw some of the books the TARDIS had got for her while the Doctor fiddled with the wiring under the controls. She did a mental countdown and smirked when she heard a zap and a whole string of curses erupt from his mouth. "Tell me Doctor." He made a sound of acknowledgment from underneath, blue eyes locked onto hers. "What do the Talvijellso do with their uncles again?"

He cursed again as his head hit the undercarriage in his rush to look at her. "How did you know I said that? Is the TARDIS translating swears now?"

Rose held up the reading material. "Gallifrey for Dummies. Really interesting read."

He frowned and ducked his head back underneath the console. "Stupid apes."

"Oh don't be mean. I'm just tired of not being able to understand." They sat in silence. "So where are we going? It's almost Christmas. Want to head to London?"

"No way. I'm not spending another Christmas with your mum. Last time we got there she slapped me."

"Well we were under the mistletoe."

"Its a human custom! I thought that was what I was supposed to do!" He attempted to defend himself but Rose simply laughed. Finally getting up he pondered where they should venture. "Alright. I've got it. There's this little planet called Dayton. It was friendly last time I went there."

* * *

They stepped out of the box, glanced around. "Looks like they are really getting into the spirit of the season." Rose commented as the Doctor cursed. Everywhere there were strings of fairy lights, which caused Rose to "oh" and "ah" as they walked hand in hand.

The trees were stung with tinsel and decoration; gifts surrounded the base of each. None of them were pines though. They were all different kinds, oak, apple, holly and birch. Coming to what looked like a large building Rose smiled. The lights were shining brightly and the sounds of a party seemed to burst from the windows.

Before they even knocked the doors it opened. "Hello! Welcome!" A short, round woman pulled them inside. "And what are your names?" She resembled someone's grandmother just from her manner. Her eyes were bright and sparkling; her hands were covered with flour and an apron that was also covered with flour.

"Well I'm the Doctor. And this is Rose."

"Well sit down. Sit down." She ushered them down into two seats at a large table that was already crowded with people. She heaped food onto their plates and drinks appeared in their hands. As they looked around they found that the people looked just like regular humans, just shorter.

"Care to fill me in on customs?" Rose whispered to the Doctor as she stared at the mountain of food.

"Consume everything that they give you, its rude not to." He sipped his wine and noticed the way it tingled in his mouth. He was pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen. "Its good food so no worries there. And other than that... we're flying blind."

"Aren't we always?"

* * *

The Doctor laughed silently as he listened to people chant "Drink! Drink! Drink!" at Rose as she chugged down her drink. A small ring chinked in her glass and she studied it carefully.

"Look what I gots Doctor." She slurred leaning against him showing off the ring. It sparkled with tiny blue stones. She was a very affectionate drunk. "What's in your?" She hugged him, looking at his glass.

He chuckled and moved the gold cup filled with dark red wine out of her reach. "You'll have to wait."

The man next to him tapped him on the shoulder. "Actually you have to finish it before 11. The token in your glass shows who is your partner for the rest of the night."

"Partner?" That sounded great if he was paired with Rose. Bad for him if he was put with another person or the person Rose was with.

"Yes. You see," He took Rose's hand and gently touched the ring. "Whoever has the other ring like this will be her partner for the night with the dance and then after dancing there is the crystal."

The Doctor eyes glanced at Rose who was showing her ring to the girls that chattered with each other. She always had the ability to blend in with any sort of crowd. "A dance and a crystal?"

The stranger rolled his eyes. "The dance is just what it sounds like. A dance except you keep the same partner the whole time. And the crystal all depends on what you and your," he looked over at Rose "Woman's relationship is. If you are friends that," He pointed to a large crystal that looked like the one in The Dark Crystal, except slightly smaller and it was clear. "Turns white. It runs red if your lovers, black if you hate each other, pink if you love each other and if its true love it swirls and shoots sparks. If that happens the two are instantly married."

The Doctor choked. Rose didn't notice as he turned to his new buddy. "Married?!" He whispered harshly. "What does marriage have to do with anything?!"

His new favorite friend raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's the next logical step right." He nodded at the glass. "What you get anyway?"

He fished it out and studied it. He smiled as a ring with shined in the light with little blue stones. "Today is my lucky day." He felt someone place something on his head and heard a giggle. "What is it Rose?"

"Your Santa now." She laughed drunkenly and played with the white puffball that now hung off his hat. "My Doctor is now Santa. And he always brings me the best presents." She began to hum 'Santa Baby' in his ear.

"Maybe you should sit down for a while." He patted the seat next to him. "I think your drunk."

"Of course I'm drunk! It's not a Christmas party without getting drunk! Come on!" She tugged on his arm. "You need to get drunk too!"

* * *

The Doctor laughed as he spun on the dance floor, Rose tripping over his feet, clutching tightly to him. She had somehow convinced him to drink... and drink... and drink... and drink some more. He was at this point very plastered and he hadn't felt this carefree is so long. Usually he only got a very faint buzz before he snapped out of it but he finally figured it out. If he drank a whole lot in a row, the intoxication would stick more than if he paused between his drinks.

"I guess you really can dance."

"Told ya' I could. Can't live 1000 years without knowing how to dance."

Rose smiled at him. "We-we should go dancing more often. This is a lot of fun."

The Doctor thought as he swayed with her. "We should, shouldn't we? Find a planet with no trouble on it and not go searching for trouble and just have some lovely fun." He swung her around and held her close. "We can abandon Jack and make it just the two of us. We can have chips."

She giggled and she held onto his jumper. "As long as you buy them this time."

"Hey lovebirds."

The Doctor turned his head. "Hello my new friend! How are you?"

He moved back a little, surprised that the calm man before was now an utter fool. "Um, the crystal is about to start if you to want to join."

The Doctor looked at Rose and back at his new friend. "We'll go last. Maybe dance some more, drink a bit and observe." He wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and spun her away. His new friend simply smiled. It was nice to see people have such a good time.

* * *

As the night grew colder Rose shivered, leaning closer to the Doctor. He in turn wrapped an arm protectively around her. "You cold?"

"Yeah."

He thought for a second. "Wait right here." He hurried back off to the TARDIS knowing exactly what he was searching for.

Rose sat on the bench on the edge of the room, studying the couples under the crystal. Two people, they looked like teenagers, stood underneath holding hands. The crystal hummed then turned a soft pretty shade of pink with just a tiny bit of red around the edges. She smiled as they kissed, all giggly and hurried off, most likely to some darkened corner. Ah, to be young.

* * *

Jack stumbled out of his room. "What's the point of sleeping with beautiful people if you can't even remember what they look like?" As he made his way towards the kitchen he heard thrashing from inside Wardrobe number 3. He paused and looked inside. "You looking for something Doc?"

"No. No. No. NO! Why can I never find that stupid thing when I need it?!" He stomped up the stairs. "Maybe its in Number 4." He pushed Jack out of his way and moved across the hall into the next room. Jack followed; watching him shift and dig threw boxes. "Eureka!" He climbed out of the box, pulling behind him a huge scarf. Jack moved aside for him and the Doctor stopped in front of him. "Jack. I told you, we have rules on the TARDIS. Number one: Hands off the blond. Number two: Always wear pants out in the open when females are around. If they aren't wear at least boxers. Now if you'll excuse me." He wrapped the scarf around himself leaving it swinging at his feet. "I have to go meet a girl."

* * *

Rose felt something wrap around her eyes. "Guess who?"

"Doctor?"

"Corectamando!" The Doctor pulled away the scarf, than abruptly stopped. "That is going in the box of word I will never use again." He sat down next to her and wrapped his scarf around the two of them.

"Where did you get this thing? Its huge!"

"4th regeneration. Thought it was very handy at the time."

"Well, its very well made." They sat next to each other, close and warm from the alcohol. They watched as couple after couple go underneath it. When the final couple went, the Doctor found himself being tugged along by the scarf around his throat as Rose rushed for their turn. After that... all was black.

* * *

The Doctor winced as the light shown between a crack in the curtains. He thought that he had parked the TARDIS in a totally shady spot. But, the TARDIS didn't have windows. So why was there light?

He felt something brush across his chest and the same something snuggle closer. Turning he felt both his hearts almost stop. Rose lay curled against him, her head resting on his shoulder and her arm on his chest. He looked around her and saw that her bare back was exposed and her knickers lay on the floor. His jacket was thrown on the floor in a heap. There was the remains of a broken lamp by the door. The Doctor absentmindedly ran his hand down her arm from the shoulder to the elbow and back up again while he tried desperately to remember what had happened. He recalled drinking and dancing with Rose. After that, everything was just a blurry mess.

Rubbing a hand over his face he tried to concentrate. It must be buried somewhere in his mind. He just had to think of the right words to spark the memory (think of Google search. With luck and the right words you find the answer). '_Let's try… Rose and… sex._'

He quickly looked at Rose as he flushed. '_Okay, maybe not the best search I could have done._' There was way, **way** to many hits on that one. '_Lets narrow it down a bit. Rose, sex, Christmas and dancing._'

His eyes widened as he found it.

* * *

Rose stood next to him, his ridiculously long scarf wrapped around the two of them, his hand holding on tightly to hers as they stood below a crystal. It started off slow, letting out a low humming sound as the colors in it swirled and it let off sparks.

Around them people clapped and laughed and gave congratulations. A little warning bell went off in his head but he couldn't understand what he was supposed to remember. The lady who had let them in gave them what looked like an Earth menorah. She instructed them to both hold the handle and he hadn't really heard what else she said because he was to busy staring at Rose. She nodded occasionally at what the woman was saying, turning a bright pink. She tilted her head looking at him.

"You want to Doctor?"

He never even heard a question but he answered "Anything you want Rose."

She blushed even harder and went back to talking to the woman. She muttered some words and four of the candles burst into life, two glowing pink, the other two glowing a pale blue in between the two pinks.

* * *

'_Okay. That probably wasn't a good sign.'_ He went to the ring he had gotten earlier and tried to tug it off. It refused. Oh it moved when he twirled it, but when he tried to pull it off it got tight and wouldn't budge. _'Definitely not a good sign.'_ He moved to the next fragment.

* * *

He held Rose's hand, leading her away. Seeing as how he had been deemed "to drunk to fly" they had been given a room for nothing. He really was enjoying this planet. Great food, nice people and no one had tried to kill them yet. Finally opening the door Rose hopped onto him, causing him to fall.

He can think a thousand things in a second. He can do complicated math equation while making a plan on how to stop a dalek using only a banana while also flying the TARDIS in that span. He can also notice how wonderful Rose looks in her jeans. Or her "booty shorts". Some sort of American thing but he can see where they got their name.

However, in the second he was on the floor, he could only notice how very close she was. Than, how very **very** nice her lips felt. Rose broke away from him, giggling at the look on his face.

The Doctor placed a hand on the back of her head bringing her back down, cradling it as he rolled her over and pressing his body into hers. He shouldn't be doing this. He pushed the door close with his foot. She was so sweet and young and innocent. The way she undid his belt said that she was anything but innocent. But two out of three wasn't horrible.

"Rose." He moaned into her mouth as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Hey Doctor. Want to know a secret?" She looked into his blue eyes, her own brown sparkling wickedly. "When I was in high school. I was a gymnast."

Standing shakily, he cupped her bottom with one arm and moved toward the bed trying to shrug off his jacket. Setting her down he tossed it into a corner and started to tug off his jumper while Rose laughed.

"You don't have to rush your self Doctor. We have all the time in the world."

"No. I want to see those skills of yours. Get undressed." He stopped as he tossed in with his jacket. "Actually. Never mind. I want to do that." Tugging the pants down he made to move toward her but tripped due to the fact that his pants were now around his ankles. As he landed with a thud Rose let out huge laugh.

"I guess when Time Lords get drunk they become horny uncoordinated apes." Rose snickered as an arm appeared on the edge of the bed.

Blue eyes sparked as the Doctor glared at her. "And roses become teases. And you shouldn't laugh when people fall. Especially when they're almost completely naked." Snapping an arm out he grabbed her leg and dragged her toward him. Setting his chin on her inner thigh he fingered the top of her pants. "I think that this is a little unfair though. Me being the only naked one in here."

Rose's hot hands both found a place on his shoulder and slowly moved down hisback stopping only when their noses touched. "Well you said that you wanted to do it. I was going to let you." She moved slightly forward, gently pressing her lips against his. The Doctor straightened climbing onto the bed, forcing Rose's head backwards.

With hands lightly brushing along her skin he grabbed the skirt at the hem and jerked it down. He removed her panties, contrasting the speed that he had torn off the skirt, pulling it off inch by inch following its path down her body before leaving them at the foot of the bed. She shuddered as his cool hands skimmed back up her outer thighs, over her hips to cup her backside. One arm wrapped around her hips holding her flush against him while his face stayed completely impassive as he slipped his free hand under her shirt, strong calloused fingers ripping the shirt down the back, ignoring the gasp. He had decided that the buttons on the front would take to long for him to deal with.

Rose gave him a glare. "I liked this shirt."

"I'll buy you a new one." The Doctor growled kissing the hollow of her shoulder, twisting and struggling with the clasp of the bra. "Why? Why do you humans have to come up with these stupid restraints?"

"I'll do it. Hang on a sec."

Before Rose could do it though he reached around the front, grabbing the pale pink bow that sat in between her breasts. Sharply twisting it he tore it in half causing Rose to let out a shriek. "See. Easy to solve."

"What is it with you and tearing things?"

Any further arguments were cut off by a planet stopping kiss. The feel of soft blankets against her bare back, strong fingers making circles on her body. The Doctor broke away and than dipped back down to capture her lips again, tongue stroking her own. Black spots danced in front of her eyes and she clutched him as she felt herself sway. The Doctor broke away from her, cupping her face with his hand. "Rose." He whispered huskily, eyes heavy lidded. Pressing his lips against her burning throat, hands clutching her close. That's when he noticed something. Rose's chest wasn't moving. "Rose. Breath." He tapped her between the shoulder blades to get her attention.

She took a deep shaky breath, her head resting against him. "I have to remember to breath don't I?"

"That was all my fault. I forgot that you don't have a respiratory bypass system." He rubbed her lower back comfortingly. Her fingers dug into his back as she filled her lungs with oxygen that she needed. "I'll have to remember that I can't do that for long periods of time. You okay now?"

Rose leaned her neck back to meet his eyes. "As long as your here with me I'm always okay."

Hands brushed over flesh, both hot and cool. Hips jerked as the Doctor pulled her close to him, relishing the sound of gasps as he thrust into her.

"Fuck." He wasn't sure if he said it or she did but it was accurate. In all the years he had been away from "dancing" he never remembered it being like this. He increased his speed, Rose's cries getting louder and more desperate. He felt her tighten around him and knew she couldn't hold on for much longer. He wouldn't be able to either. Maybe another time, when they were both sober they could explore each other more but right now that just wasn't going to happen.

Neither heard the door creak open.

Rocking back and forth for who knows how long (15 minutes) Rose gasped out a string of words that all boiled down to "Fuck." She came quieter than he thought she would.

"Rose." He ground out as his body tensed. He swore in Gallifreian as whole galaxies popped in front of his eyes as he shot inside her. The Doctor struggled to hold himself up so he didn't crush her with his body. "Oh Rose." He gave her a weak smile which she returned. He rolled next to her, tucking her against his body, her head on his chest.

"Isn't that just the sweetest thing?"

The Doctor's head shot up as he stared at the smirking figure leaning in the doorway. "Jack! How long have you been there?!"

"Long enough to see most of the show." He looked at the small bed. "Any room for me in there?" He quickly closed the door as the Doctor grabbed the nearest heavy object and chucked it at him.

"GET OUT!!" The Doctor's voice thundered as the lamp shattered against the door.

* * *

Rose stirred in his arms mumbling. The Doctor tried to will her back to sleep. He had never been any good at talking to a woman after having sex, especially after drunken sex. And with Rose... He didn't think he'd be able to do it. Or look Jack in the eye ever **ever** again. It just wouldn't be possible. Jack had seen him and Rose have sex. He would have to be killed. Maybe some sort of freak accident involving a toaster.

"Doctor?" Rose raised her head to look at him. "How could you kill someone with a toaster?" He must have shown his shock cause she waved her hand and explained "You were mumbling something about killing someone with a toaster. I was just curious as to why." She scanned the room, her eyes looking for something. Her eyes lit up as she say whatever she was looking for. Rose crawled towards the end of the bed, the Doctor already missing her in his arms but greatly enjoying the view.

She lifted up her panties and the Doctor turned his head, trying to hide his embarrassment. "Right where you left them." She slipped them on and stood up searching for the rest of her wearable clothes continuing to talk. "Now for the record I have had this conversation several times before so I know a few things. 1, guys never know what to say and so they always end up saying something stupid so I'm saying that for right now I'm going to do all the talking. 2, you should always clean up a little before you go downstairs. Try not to draw attention to yourself otherwise everyone wants to know how it was." She slipped on her skirt, and slipped her shoes back on.

Rose stepped over her shirt and grabbed his. "Its okay if I wear this right? I won't get in trouble for not wearing a bra will I?" The Doctor shook his head as she watched him slip it on. "Right. Now, I'm going to go downstairs and see if there is anything to eat. Get dressed and meet me down there so that we can head off to our next adventure. See you in a bit." She gave him a quick kiss before bouncing out the door.

The Doctor gulped and finally managed to work out the words "Good Morning."

* * *

Jack stood and greeted Rose as she walked into the dining room. "My beautiful Rose. You are simply glowing today. What is different about you?" He pretended to ponder this adding 'hmm's' at random times. "I've got it. You just had a nice f-"

Rose slapped her hand over his mouth. "No need for swearing." She paused for a minute locking eyes with Jack. She ducked her head, a smile gracing her face. "And yes, I did." She sat down at the table next to him twirling her hair between her fingers.

Straddling the chair Jack leaned in close. "Was it any good?"

Rose piled something that looked like bacon and eggs onto a plate. "A lady doesn't kiss and tell."

"Well I saw so you can just tell me."

As the Doctor came down the stairs, wearing only his jacket, jeans and shoes with no socks (he couldn't find them anywhere) he heard the sound of a male yelp and, upon peaking his head around the frame of the door he smiled at the sight of jack holding his cheek on the floor with a very pissed looking Rose shoving food into her mouth. This wouldn't be so awkward after all.

* * *

Done. I'm finally fucking done. Took my over 2 months but it is done and I am so fucking glad. Please though, constructive criticism is appreciated and needed.


End file.
